2006 December 18th

Friends are everything.
Current mood: chipper

Well it's amazing what a few mates can do for you mood and general wellbeing isn't it? Had 3 friends round last night for curry, beer and a giggle, plus tormenting teenage girls by hounding them with questions about ESS EEE EX. How to clear a room!

I forgot I was even ill for the night, until 11.30 when I went to the loo, but hey this is better than the trots!

Actually discussed it as Cancer today with mum like we were talking about having the hedge cut or something, slightly surreal, but also a relief to say it out loud, I've decided that's what it is and until they tell me otherwise I'm preparing to deal with that next year.

	Well, it was fab! I can't wait to do it again. Trust Crimbo to get in the way. As for the phrase "the C-word", I think it's much more useful as a way of describing some of your ex's rather than using it to pussyfoot around the name of a disease. Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Sunday, December 17, 2006 at 22:26

Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

Oi div you can't spell exes. Tut. Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Monday, December 18, 2006 at 19:31

18 Dec 2006

Back to Work. Current mood: calm Realised this morning that having skived off to attend hospital as a day case on Thursday and attending the Emap Christmas lunch in London on Friday none of my workmates know what I know now! I was doing OK til Race For Life (I ran earlier this year and ruined my big toenails in memory of Junie who died almost a year ago) , then the company electronic email (money not spent on paper going to Cancer charities in memory of those we have lost at work). Fighting back the tears when Katie asked how I was and how I got on last week. time for a trip to the kitchen for tea! Ended up sobbing on her shoulder as Race for Life hope to see me there next year, SO DO I! Kate (another one) asked if I was still poorly (she's been in Australia for two months), yes Kate I'm still poorly. But it's not all doom and gloom I have decided to have a mohican again if I ever lose my hair (v unlikely) or henna tattoos on my pate!! Wicked! I'm tempted to have Up Your Bum Cancer! tattood on my head anyway but I might regret it......... Just a quick thank you so far to Angela,Hannah, Hayley, Lesley and Pob for laughing at my death jokes, bloody poo stories and generally enquiring as to the well being of my arse! Angela is determined I will NOT GET ILL as she's about to become my line manager again despite having three years off! But the nurse said to take it easy and work isn't that important Angela.........so ........? OK OK I'll do the KPIs. Tut. My stomach is bloated as soon as I eat the smallest thing, I look four months pregnant. So far I've not actually broken wind in the office but managed to get to the loo, but that's more fear of following through with runny stuff and blood than anything else. Had rotten back ache all day again, it improved after I "went" on Saturday and I only did three poo trips today! Is that normal? I'm sure I used to go every, or every other day just the once! Those days seem well behind me now - pmsl! "behind". Oh and special award for good mate in time of crisis goes to ........Pob for making the bestest lemon drizzle cake EVER and not complaining once despite enduring me showing him images of polyps, cancerous tumours and general nasties in other peoples insides. Also for the stash of booze he left behind and pointing out if I have even slightly invasive T1 or higher I can claim off my critical illness and endowment policies yeay. Shame I didn't increase my cover when I changed my mortgage! I'm such a thickie.

Billy Bollockchops

I didn't just leave the booze behind, it was a present!

The polyps was interesting though, I'm not squeamish. You know me, I'd have been there with you if you'd have let me.

And don't try and pretend you're not secretly excited about having a mohican and having most of your mortgage paid off! tut tut etc.

Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Monday, December 18, 2006 at 21:15

2006 December 16th

THE BIOPSY!

OH eck!

Saw my little mate on the big screen on Thursday night, if that's just a harmless polyp I'm the Queen. Surgeon told me to "enjoy christmas with your family and we'll talk in the new year".

Lost my composure after he'd gone and blubbed on the nurse. I told her I know what it is, or I'm pretty sure. But that if it's cancer, bowel cancer is at least very curable.

I expected her to say, "well I know you may think that but until the biopsy results come back we won't know". She didn't, she said they can do a lot these days. I asked for some advice on coping with diarrhoea, which she gave me. Also told me to enjoy christmas and concentrate on that and take it easy, work and money aren't that important, though she knows I have to make more since I'm on my own. She was lovely. Everyone else got tea and biccies but as I'd been nil by mouth since breakfast and was a bit wobbly I got toast and jam!!

I now appear to be constipated, great! Since the enema on Thursday I've not been

2006 December 10th

The big P or the big C? Bowel Cancer
Current mood: scared
Category: Life

Well it's two months now since I started making several times daily trips to the loo - and bleeding from where the sun don't shine!

Dr No 1: - heres a sample bottle, we'll test for bugs, probably something you ate.....or a virus.

Results_ - nish. No campylobacter, no salmonella, no e-coli etc. Nothing.

Dr No2: - it's either something you ate or a virus. Drink lucozade and those pro-biotic yoghurt things.

Me: So I shouldn't worry about the constant bleeding and mucous then?

Dr No2: - you can worry all you like but I'm not going to do anything about it.

Hmm, try typing persistent diarrhoea, rectal bleeding, mucous, change in bowel habits into any search engine and every one of them says in a nutshell. GET IT CHECKED OUT, BLOOD IS RED FOR A REASON IT'S A WARNING.

Ok time for
Dr No3: - I think we should take a look, if you don't mind (mind, mind, you mean you're taking me seriously?) I'll get a chaperone.

It's not bleeding haemorrhoids - OK well I knew that, but nice to have it confirmed, there's no obvious signs of what the trouble is. I need to look further up, then if that still shows nothing we'll book you in for a proper look with a camera. I'm not looking for a tumour, but I'm looking for inflammatory bowel disease, or at least trying to eliminate it, you'll feel rubbish until we get you sorted out, but need to be sure before I can treat you.

Great, I don't feel like an idiot, a time waster, attention seeker or hypochondriac. He's a lovely man, also in my humble opinion a bloody decent doctor!

2 weeks later

Following a day of strict bland food and little of it, plain fish, boiled spuds OR bread and plain soup and jelly. Two self administered enemas later (oh what fun going from chemist to chemist clutching a prescription to find some in stock)

Dr No 3: Now it's very unlikely we'll find anything today but if not we can send you for a colonoscopy at the hospital........oh.....I can see a polyp........and it's bleeding.

Me: sobs silently, it's a tumour, it's a tumour.

Most of them are harmless, it's not on a stalk, need to get them all removed so no point wasting time with a barium x-ray (phew) I'll refer you, don't worry if I thought it looked obviously bad news I'd say so.

The nurse was lovely, took blood samples (not anaemia causing constant tiredness and dizziness) and Dr comes back in and very calmly manouvres conversation to music - as if he has all afternoon to chat to me. I leave feeling calmer, but only make it to my friend's house round the corner before panic sets in.

What if it's cancer? Most polyps are benign, even bleeding ones though they're uncommon. 30% of 50+ year olds have them (I'm 36). My diet is good, OK I drink and used to smoke, a lot, for many years. I don't excercise much now but used to walk miles, go to the gym, cycle. I'll started jogging again, when I'm not dizzy. I'm too young.

I see the surgeon who specialises in this area (gut stuff, nice) on Tuesday - more health questions no doubt but hopefully an idea of when I'll have the colonoscopy and if they're small enough, have the polyp(s) removed. If they're benign I should never get bowel cancer, it'll never spread to my lymph nodes or other internal organs and kill me quietly. My family will be checked regularly because of this. Whatever happens someone's life will undoubtedly be protected because I ignored two doctors.

Will keep you informed..........

Well things are "moving" along very fast, though if we're talking about my "movement" they're also pretty fast and frequent, small, multiple and bloody.

Surgeon said he's booked up for two months but wants to see me soon, i.e. in two days. That was today.

Breafast only, then nil by mouth after - arrived at 3.30pm - bp good, general health good. Undressed, enema administered followed by quick dart to the loo, followed by another (pink watery stuff) and then finally when everyone else had gone - I was tagged on to his surgery, it was my turn. Can pad this out later, but it's not a teeny weeny little bobble that can be snared off, but quite lumpy and sprawling (I was watching). I've emptied a few spoonfuls of blood into the toilet so far, as I bled quite a lot after they took biopsies. Hoping the CAT scan he's ordered will be in time to go through the lab results on 9th January. Expect next update then!

Posted by Lisa on Thursday, December 14, 2006 at 20:13

2006 October 25th

Finally got round to getting my hair cut today, it's been almost 6 months since I spent £90 quid on a colour and cut for big sis's 40th party! Might get it cut again at Christmas.

Not looking forward to another single Christmas after last year's misery but there you go, it didn't work out with Scott and he's running off to join the foreign legion ( I kid you not) it's not as far as Thailand but just as anonymous.