2008 July 6th - Scan Results....& Having a Ball

I'm really slacking at this blogging lark. Still at least that means I have other things to occupy other than constant navel gazing, I think it's a progression of sorts?

I can't believe I didn't jump straight on the keyboard and tell you all that I got a clear scan.........sorry let me repeat that A CLEAR SCAN. My surgeon rang me two days after the scan a couple of weeks ago just as my key was in the door at 7pm. I'd just been to Tesco with a friend who was there to share the results and give me a big hug, sit me on the sofa and crack open a bottle of wine.

First thing I did was text everyone I could, after failing to get through on the phone to Umpalumpa. Then I rang my surrogate mum Aunty Susan. It was emotional. I don't think it actually sunk in straight away, or even for the next day or two. It means I can get on with my life now, and other than a colonoscopy soon and the three monthly blood tests........well there's always going to be SOMETHING to worry about isn't there, that's just life, at least it is LIFE.

I had to tell the people who were in at work the next day and got a hug from one of the "boys" which just made me cry. It was all a bit surreal, I don't think one person in the entire room had any idea how dizzy and giddy and upside down I was feeling.

I'm becoming closer friends with a man who isn't ever going to return my feelings, but I can't NOT be friends........is that the saddest thing? I just don't want to cut someone out of my life just because they can't offer me what I want. I haven't got a clue if he knows how I really feel, he thinks he does........but I'm not convinced. If I thought someone liked me this much I'd be keeping them as far away from me as possible, not just arms length. My life is going to turn into "My Best Friend's Wedding". Not that we're "best" friends, but the plot is how I see things turning out. Any tips on making yourself go off someone?

I know I've changed since finding out I had cancer, but I guess my heart doesn't work any differently.

Oh and I've got a new kitchen! Did I mention that last time? I can't remember. It's lovely. I'm just waiting for the floor and walls to be tiled, plinths fitted and then I'll need to wave a paintbrush around and I'm sorted. Next task - the living room.

I've also finally got a physio appointment for the achilles tendonitis. Seems like I got seen in good time because it hasn't progressed too far up my leg. I had to lie on my front whilst my heels were massaged (very deep, quite painful!) in turn, then had each one treated with ultrasound. I have some stretches to do and should also try to do the massage myself, since I'm on my own and don't have a significant other to do it for me. If this doesn't improve things then I may have acupunture or steroid injections. Mmmm more needles. Great!

I'm back on the HRT after a six week break and finding out the cervical ectropian wasn't actually anything more sinister. Still waiting to see if I start bleeding again and then need cyrosurgery on me lady bits EEK! I might start listing all the procedures and conditions I've been diagnosed with. Quite how I get out of bed in the morning I don't know haha! They're all relatively minor things though, although my hips really do protest sometimes and I feel 90. Joe 90 - stiff and wooden.

Last night was the Round Table ball. Balloons, booze and boogying down! Food was included of course. It was strictly black tie, which is lovely - I like a man in a suit.......not that any of them were mine to like, but still. I think the physio must have done the trick, however temporary because I managed to dance quite a lot in some fairly high heels - although heels actually make the pain go away because the tendons aren't being stretched at all. I didn't fall over once, I must be getting better.

A few of us went into town afterwards (why, why did I agree to this at 1am?) so more dancing, but by this time my feet were protesting but not at the moment when Fit Andy from the gym gave me a massive hug and a drunken grope (he's just pure muscle but very nice with it).

It's Umpalumpa's birthday today so happy birthday little sis! xxx (She's the one on the left in the pic of three of us girls, that's Paul who invited us to the ball and his cousin Sue in the other pic)