2008 Mar 13th - Progress Update

Tomorrow will be three weeks since Mr A chopped of my PTW and threw him away!

I've been home for ten days now and for 9 of those have progressed from liquid waste to solid waste, albeit I never pass anything larger than my thumb. I just have to pass about twenty of them to empty! That's on a good clear out visit to the loo - I'm getting better at having a couple of those a day and then the odd mini clear out when I go for a wee if I feel the urge.

I'd say I'm getting down to about 5 times a day now, but the most was really 7 or 8 once my colon remembered what it's bloody job was! My main problem is the pain. Every time some air tries to escape I'm rooted to the spot clinging to the nearest grabbable object or I lie on the bed or sofa. Initially when I go to the loo it hurts too. It's the same passing broke glass pain I had during those months of radiation and waiting for surgery last year. To be fair it's not as bad because. like I said I'm only passing things the size of my thumb. The radiation damage, I'm guessing, isn't going to get any better. I have read that some people are given anal dilators as well as vaginal dilators after low pelvic radiation because of the massive shrinking that occurs. The thought of my surgeon doing further digital examinations makes me cry so it's going take a bloody good case to convince me that dilating my burned, shrunk, chopped up arse is a good idea.

It might be just inflammation and maybe I can get something for it. I'm just putting off calling my colorectal nurse until next week in case it means a physical examination. The pain isn't constant, but it's pretty frequent. It keeps me awake at night until I give in, get up and try and pass more air and stools. I suppose I should stop eating earlier in the evening? There is a constant dull throb which has been present for about the last 13 months where the "action" was for radiation and surgery.

My little wound where PTW was is healing very well. I've got the oddest shaped abdomen ever! There are lumps and bumps and dents all over the place. I am quite pleased to report that I have in fact lost some weight again! Becky insisted I looked a lot thinner after about a week on drip only diet - to be expected I guess but my scales said otherwise, until today! Also after I checked what I did weigh before I went in (which in my head I'd reduced but had written down somewhere else as evidence of my poor diet) ............and I've lost 9 pounds! Ooer! I hope it's fat off my thighs and not any of the muscle I managed to build up at the gym.

As you can probably make out, there is still some yellow bruising to the centre of my belly and I do still feel some tightness when I turn over in bed. The majority of the scab has gone but I think it'll be another couple of weeks before there is delicate new skin and no scabs. I'm patting some Bio Oil in when I remember in the hope that it doesn't cause me any trouble when I get back into wearing my jeans on a regular basis - I'm still wearing low rise joggers and big t-shirts (for decorating also) to avoid putting any unnecessary pressure on the scar.

If those of you who still have a rectum, or managed to escape radiation have a reversal coming up then I can say I would recommend going for reversal. I had an awful time in hospital, I really did think I'd be heading back to theatre for a permanent colostomy or ileostomy if my colon refused to work, I was scared of food and the future yet again. I'm still holding in the back of my mind the thought that I've got another liver scan coming up in a month or two because they're being cautious over the "chemo damage" streaks and want to make sure that's exactly what it is.

Still, even with the pain, which I'm sure can be reduced by some treatment, if not eradicated completely, I think I'd rather have this and have the chance to wear what I want again. On a more positive note the pain in my butt does take my attention away from the stabbing shooting pains in my feet and the horrible, shudder inducing numbness and soreness that is peripheral neuropathy. I had thought I'd be handing my blue badge back sometime soon, but my feet are so sore and painful I'm keeping it.