I've been absolutely drained the last few days. The side/back pain started easing on Sunday and although it had all but disappeared Monday morning (so I didn't go to the Dr) it was back in the afternoon. I was too tired to do anything with Karys and actually fell asleep on the sofa while she was here. We weren't sure if it was me snoring that woke me or her laughing at me snoring. I just don't sleep in the day time, even when I came out of hospital after surgery, I didn't sleep. The usual cross pelvic/hip pain is also back. Meaning I won't be dropping my fentanyl dose and possibly do need a referral to the hospice after cancelling it.
Two weeks ago I thought I was up for anything, got the great news from the blood test and immediately went downhill after that. Why? I'm hoping it's an infection making me feel lousy, but the sleepless nights when no position in bed is painfree make me wonder if it's more tumours in another organ. My appetite has dropped, but feeling crappy does that. I can't stop crying again, I struggle to stay awake most of the afternoon and it's all such a waste of my time.
After a horrible night I dragged myself into the shower, sorted a new bag for Fatty, did the whole catheter dilation and got to the hospital without any make up. I've not left the house without make up since I was having chemo. Not being able to eat doesn't help - I felt even weaker without any breakfast.
I lay down across a couple of chairs for a while in between drinks every ten minutes in the waiting room. The nurse couldn't get the cannula into my arm (the one that's had two PICC lines in) so had to call a Dr to have a go - 2nd time lucky. Seems the fine cannulas are a dodgy batch since both of them really hurt - the nurse is pretty sure it's a blunt batch as everyone had been wincing with them and I told her I don't notice them usually so she's looking into it. The one thing a cannula needs to be is sharp! She wasn't impressed that I'd driven myself in - because I looked so crap I thought but she was more bothered by me being on the Fentanyl. I don't get drowsy on them these days so I didn't see the problem. I didn't feel like she was telling me off, I think she just thought I was doing too much. She tried to convince me to use the volunteer scheme or hospital transport. No thanks.
I had two hours to wait for my next appointment with the urology nurse, the first hour shivering in the freezing waiting room near the main doors which didn't stay shut for more than 5 seconds, the second in the restaurant forcing down an awful gloopy broccoli bake.
She also asked if I was feeling bad, said I looked very pale. I was doing alright when I saw her a week ago, albeit in pain. Anyway, it seems I have leukocytes in my wee this week so an infection is likely and a sample has gone to the lab. If it shows anything she will let my surgery know, check they will follow it up and then let me know so I can just pick up a prescription. I probably should have gone to the GP anyway, but I've got cancer, I have good days, bad days, pain. That's the way it is.
Weekend Reading, 7.16.17
4 days ago