2009 February 26th - Tum te Tum

Well, it's been fairly quiet this year so far, I had a week of ibuprofen and eventually my ribs aren't really causing me any bother. I actually still have differences on my left side but have decided not to worry about it.

It's just about a year now since I was in hospital wondering if I was going to die! Weird. I saw my surgeon a couple of weeks ago again and we had quite a good chat. We went over what's been happening over the last 2 1/2 years including me being "very frightened and worried" after the reversal surgery didn't go to plan. "So was I, so was I" he reminded me. He was in every day to see me - including Saturdays (twice) and Sundays, trying to find out what was going on and why I was so ill. It was a grim 10 days. It was made so much worse by withdrawl from my drugs and losing my son - it's nearly a year since I last saw him and spoke to him.

I've done a fair bit decorating the front room now - waiting for Paul to put up new coving so I can replace the curtain rail (need to see where coving comes to before changing) and finish painting and there's the floor to fit (have another male friend who has kindly been bribed into helping with that - it's all bought and delivered) and then paper the ceiling and change the light fittings (also already bought).

It's looking a BIT more like MY home and not just a house I live in while I'm waiting to move somewhere else.

Taking pride of place is the secondhand cross trainer I bought off ebay for £25 because I am soooo fed up with this extra stone + I'm carrying around (and the lumpy belly thanks to weird scarring which is just odd). If I'd not had a few weeks off the gym because of the stupid rib pain it might have helped, but no point dwelling on "what ifs" - I've been rationing my calorie intake to between 1260 and 1500 calories a day plus exercise as much as my tiredness and work allows (and after Ben's LBT class on Tuesday pain levels). I've managed to lose 4 lbs in nearly two months which is actually not that bad I suppose.........but I've not lost any more in three weeks and it's really getting on my nerves! I just did another 20 mins on the cross trainer for the end of the Master Chef final - I find exercising stops me wanting to gorge myself stupid watching all that scrummy food on the TV!

I've been generally pretty down this last three months having lost ANOTHER friend (I have had three friends just drift away because I had cancer which just proves how much they really cared in the first place) and now my "best friend" who to be honest I'm not that upset about any more because she had spent the last year or two moaning at me about her troubles and then refusing to speak to me any time it looked like I'd met a bloke (and emailing me from the same office to tell me how jealous she was that I went on two dates with someone who I never even saw again anyway). I know I probably wasn't as supportive as she needed me to be - but I had the rib thing going on and she neither noticed nor gave me the opportunity to mention it - we just weren't there for each other any more. Bit like getting divorced really :o(

Still, I'm not going to allow myself to use being tired as an excuse for not seeing people this year - I'm going out tomorrow night and I've got a friend staying next weekend, then two weeks after that a 40th party weekend. I need to start putting friends names in my diary so I can make sure I see them - it's really easy to get out of the habit when you spend your life in and out of hospital (physio took up a fair bit of time last year too).

Also I should mention Karys did exceptionally well in her mock exams (exceptional because of me being ill for a huge chunk of her exam coursework years) and is set to get As and Bs and Cs and generally has done really well. I'm very proud of her.

Maybe I can actually turn things around this year?