(In which Lisa manages NOT to faint like last time 13 months ago...................)
I had some very weird dreams last night. I'm not sure if it was because I watched the first episode of Lost season 4 or just because I knew it was scan day today. I say weird dreams, it was more like just the one dream which carried on even though I woke up a few times in between. Something odd where some bloke had disappeared but managed to take a symbol that belonged to a girl - it was like a badge or pendant or something but was official, not pretty jewellery. Anyway, at the time I was sure I was just dreaming about a film I'd seen and was replaying in my sleep so didn't pay much attention (in my sleep). The badge thingy with the symbol on was his saving grace because no one could see him and he couldn't contact anyone until he realised if he shone a torch through the badge thingy it illuminated the sky with the girl's name and some logo. That gave them hope to carry on looking for him and involved creating a decoy around some dangerous waters where he swam to safety!
No, I can't read anything useful into that dream either, don't bother trying.
Maybe it was Fat Tuesday's pancakes that made me dream...........I had lemon and sugar on mine and Karys had lemon scented honey. Unfortunately I ran out of gram flour (just that and water make low cal protein pancakes) so had to resort to the egg, milk and "ahem" brown rice flour! No, I still haven't bought any wheat flour after last year's "Starve Tyson, feed Lisa" diet. Anyway they were yummy.
Woke up feeling nice and cosy warm this morning before the alarm went off, but then wished I'd got up BEFORE the alarm went off because when I did lift the duvet, I realised evil PTW had sprung a leak during one of my dozes. Great. Perhaps he knows his days are numbered and just wants to go out with a bang...........? Thank you whoever invented incontinence pads for beds.
Actually, strike that. Thank you to whoever came up with the idea of producing a stoma to avoid certain death or a life time of pain (for those with non cancer related ones).
So to the scan. Umpa arrived in time for a swift coffee and catch up on emails (no broadband yet at Umpa Towers....ah sorry I forgot to mention the lack of blogging may have had something to do with her moving house last week). Had to hotfoot it into the disabled loo while she parked the car, since we drove round and round the disabled parks but they've dug half of them up for some reason so NO spaces there. In the end she had to park the furthest distance possible from the outpatients entrance. Typical. By the time she found me, she'd already whizzed round to CT reception looking for me (I'm slower than I thought).
Lucky me, I sat next to an older woman. She greeted me, now with a cheery "Hello!" but with
"I don't know WHY they get you here so early if all they do is make you wait".
Me: Well you'll be having several hundred pounds worth of scan, you want them to get yours right don't you?
Woman: A hundred pounds!
Me: No, several hundred pounds. They can't plan for everything, once when I had one I passed out so I know that must have held the next patient up, but these things happen. They don't always know how people will react to the drinks and dyes.
Woman: I've got a stone and it's getting bigger. I had an x-ray but I thought they'd DO something about it not send me for scan.
Me: Oh right (losing the will at her poo pooing a VERY expensive and complex diagnostic tool)
Woman: So why have you had scans before?
Me: I'm a cancer patient.
Woman: (imagine blase tone) Oh I've had cancer. I had breast cancer, what have you got?
Me: Bowel cancer.
Woman: They took my breast so I have to wear a falsy
Me: Well, at least you still have all your internal organs, I think I'd probably rather lose a breast than everything I've been through. (Yes I think I was a bit harsh but it's how I feel and she was treating me having a scan to see if I still have cancer in a very trivial manner, plus her skin was thicker than a rhinos)
Nurse calls me through to check details and that I'm fit to scan...............
Nurse: Would you like to come this way with me?
Me: Yes please, ANYTHING to get away............
Nurse: I'll show you where there are some other seats you can sit in peace.
Woman: Hmpppf! My appointment was 2.15!!!
Umpa: Yes, so was my sister's.
Woman: So, are YOU fit then?
Umpa: As far as I know, yes.
Strangely, as ever the next couple into the waiting room were chatty and good humoured. This despite the poor woman having polycystic (something) i.e. she has cysts growing everywhere and last time drained 8 litres of fluid that had collected in her abdomen. They grow inside all her organs which is probably about as shit as having tumours grow everywhere. SHE was grateful to be alive and her husband was pleased she was still being cheerful despite everything she was going through.
Why is it some people have to moan and whine their way through the day and others just get on with it? I'm pretty sure I've been good humoured at least 90% of the time and only let people know how bad things were approximately 1% of the time, which leaves about 9% of whinging and whining. This blog doesn't count by the way - well it's part of the 1% and of the 9%.................!
I'd like to say I felt like this scan was "just a formality". It isn't. Whilst I can pretend to be outwardly confident over the results that I will be NED (no evidence of disease) it doesn't mean diddly until the Lone Ranger tells me so next week and I can have that operation to shove PTW right back inside where he belongs. Before I know it I'll be back in to see him for my next 3 monthly check up on my blood results.
Ha, speaking of the Lone Ranger, remember last year on Valentine's Day............when he was busy shoving a 53cm tube into my right arm for the FIRST time? Well I get to see him on the 14th again this year too. He'd asked me to pop into the chemo suite so they could let him know my scan was done and Ray handed me the appoinment and pointed out it was a leap year.............
DON'T go buying any hats. Honestly.