2007 Jun 21st - Post Op - Losing Weight

21 Jun 2007

The Colorectal Cancer Weight Loss Program Category: Life Well it's been just over two weeks since the op - thought I'd try and get some words down before it's all a distant memory (fat chance with the blue nylon loops of stitches still poking out and all the other gubbins on my tummy). As the lovely Becky has already updated you on the main events I shan't bore you with them all over again, deliberately. It was all a bit of a mad rush the day before admission but I managed to sign and pay for my last will and testament, thankfully not required! After much poking and prodding and passing out on attempts to cannulate me the night before, for vital IV fluids, I had some sleep - I haven't had a full night since. Already bruised from blood samples and cannula attempts (check in a week or two for photos when I get back home) and a tearful farewell to my little sister who'd been so brave until then - I think it was the photos of Tyson that set her off, he was an ugly little fecker (R.I.P NOT!!!) I was wheeled into the familiar anaesthetic room. I should say at this point this was my fourth GA and the third at Pilgrim hospital, and although it's been ten years I still noticed they'd painted since my last time!!! How sad am I? Had a bit of a chat with the anaesthetist - Edward and his colleages - really nice chap and the nursey lady who had my notes. I was rigged up to the usual heart rate monitors, finger monitor and pretty graphs on the TV thingy wotsit. My heartrate was 54bpm. the normal range for adults is 60-100bpm................. My blood pressure was (I kept telling them low is normal for me esp after no sodding food) hovering around 90/45. Edward said "there are thousands of people in this country who would KILL for your blood pressure!". The other chap said "your heartrate is only 54, you do KNOW you're about to have surgery don't you?"..........all lighthearted obviously but it was still reassuring that I'd done the right thing going in a week early - I mean when have I been less stressed? I was about to get rid of cancer, hopefully once and for all.........time will tell. I managed to count to three when the drugs were injected..........then zzzzzzzzzzz. I woke up in recovery at 2.10pm by the clock with an oxygen mask on and no real comprehension of much, but as always I made a mental note of the time - it's habit with general anaesthetics. I was absolutely FREEZING! I mentioned this to Malcolm who basically looked after me for the next four hours and my teeth were chattering. I remember Mr A the surgeon, Edward (sleepy drugman), a doctor taking blood and a bedside x-ray - to check the position of the central line to my chest. I remember an inflatable blanket on top of me being filled with hot air to warm me up. I drifted in and out and eventually at 5.40pm they transferred me to my ward bed (oof) and wheeled me to my room in ICU for about 6pm.. Tubes a go-go - drain in belly sucking out bloody liquid (YUK) drain inbetween my legs for yellow liquid (wee to you) and wires everywhere. I itched, A LOT. They gave me drugs to stop the itching, they gave me four units of blood, they gave me paracetamol by IV, antibiotics by IV, fluids by IV, some other painkillers and then later took blood through the main line - all through the tentacles of the octopus connected to my left shoulder. My neck hurt, really felt bruised, the next day the nurse realised why - I had four groups of five needle holes that had scabbed over where they'd tried to get the central line in each side of my neck, then each shoulder. As Edward explained later he thought the right vein had been damaged by my earlier chemo. I picked up more and more bruises every time I needed an injection that couldn't be administered through the central line, especially after ICU nurse thought it would be a great idea for someone with flat veins on IV fluids and a morphine pump to have their central line removed!!!!! OOPS! I was therefore deprived of both before I'd been conscious for 48 hours - instead of self administed morphine, I had ...............wait for it..............Co-codamol!!! By this time the use of my legs had returned (ish) after two days epidural which seemed to take forever to get working both sides but Edward did it and was pleased to see me smiling for the first time a short while later. It was good to see sis and my children - Karys did get upset, Phoenix was just interested in everything. Hopefully they won't be so scared to know anyone else is this ill - that all they do is for a reason and eventually my temperature came down from 39, my BP went up as did some other pressure which Edward told me should be at least 12 but mine never got above 4...........they had to squeeze a bag full of IV in quickly to sort that out, then began another pastime of watching the numbers on the monitor......which was about all I had to do for the full two days, other than be turned over every few hours, washed and allowed those all important wet sponges to suck on. I was rather glad to get back to the ward and my patio doors leading to a garden, much nicer view than the pic of Mickey and Minnie mouse on the wall. I emptied the bag myself at 4am on Saturday morning - which seemed to surprise the nursing staff. Possibly because it meant I'd had to unhook and carry my catheter bag (wee) and drain bag (blood) with me and stagger to the toilet to do it - no mean feat I can tell you, but well, my legs were working, should I have pressed the buzzer? On the Sunday I even changed the bag myself, twice. I waited til it was quiet and thoroughly read all the leaflets and booklets I'd been given with photos of each step and did it! It hurt my back and I was absolutely shattered with the effort and concentration of spending 30 minutes sitting up - I wasn't happy with the first one, so re-did it an hour or so later. Again nursing staff seemed surprised and kept telling me I was doing really well. I think this is what got me out so soon - but like I've said, I will tackle anything at home, plastering, tiling, replacing ceilings so a little thing like a bit of intestine sticking out of my belly isn't going to beat me. I say little, it was HUGE, well about three inches long and just well, looks like a willy............and therefore will be known as PooTumWilly. I think it's self explanatory. It's shrunk quite a bit now and doesn't look so swollen but I have got a bit of "separation" where it's sort of fallen out of my belly a bit more and there is some very sore, peeling skin around the hole. Lovely stoma nurse Sally (they're all the most wonderful women those nurses, they're so nice I want to cry) took some of the stoma stitches out to ease the pain a bit and used some paste to fill in the gap then stuck a base plate on that means I won't need to change it for four days and this should give my skin time to heal. I can still stick different bags on if I want to, but they're drainable so it's pretty convenient really! Right, well that's enough for now methinks, I'll add some pics on and some more words on a separate blog as you've probably all nodded off now........if not though, Re: the title of this posting - I lost another 6lbs in hospital so from the weight I put on (20 lbs ish) in preparation for treatment I've now lost 16lbs. Cool, I rock! Another half stone and I'll be back to my fittest, healthy weight and be able to wear my old clothes again, PooTumWilly permitting - it likes a bit of "space" to manoeuvre!

2007 Aprl 7th - More Bleeding

07 Apr 2007

Out out damn spot.............. Category: Life Blood, all I can see is blood I can hardly contain my dismay and despair.........I've now got a can of mousse with a giant plastic syringe to stop the internal inflammation and apparent ripping apart of my insides, aqueous cream for "intact skin" all around my pelvis and now hydrogel for the bits where my skin appears to have been melted off. And NOW another sodding PERIOD! I mean honestly! I got all excited after having one every third week instead of every four, I was 10 days late, then I have a whole week where nothing appears to be bleeding (well apart from the melted skin) and whammo it all kicks off again. I'm supposed to be getting air to the melted skin, however it's a bit tricky when you have to practically wear a nappy to cope with all these "emissions". I might as well just get a commode and sit on that all day............ On a lighter note I started with my new "feed Lisa, starve Tyson" plan - this involves avoiding sugar, wheat, dairy, meat and processed foods mostly. Before you all moan and groan and say "oh you should eat what you fancy if you're ill" that's all well and good but I can't be bothered to cook half the time so I've been eating rubbish and that isn't helping anything. A salad with Quinoa (complete protein that's sort of a cross between rice and seeds) for lunch, then for dinner we had salmon, steamed brocolli, roasted: carrots, parsnips, spuds and garlic for dinner and it was yummy, threw a few herbs in and some olive oil and everyone was happy. I'm making soup with some veg and the steaming water from the brocolli and will attempt to get up early enough to have porridge with soya milk. I've stocked up on supplements and vitamins to add to what I'll be eating to make sure I don't miss out on anything - plan courtesy of Mel in Oz who's a qualified nutritionist and has put it together with the evil Tyson and chemo in mind. I have said I won't be strict properly until after Easter because Umpalumpa sent an egg with the Easter Bunny and obviously that has to be eaten - rude not to. It's a sort of reversed Lent! Urgh I suppose I should go to sleep so better go spend half an hour in the bathroom with lotions and potions.............god I hope I don't mix up the Tigi products.............

2007 Mar 27th - Feeling Down

Feeling grim
Category: Life

Not doing so well again today, feeling pathetic and it's all just dragging on now. Sun is shining and that's great but I don't get to enjoy it - usual long day, though only three hours in the hospital today. I had a review, was told I look weary and tired. YUP. Went through the checklist of symptoms - yep got all those, except my skin is doing really well, must be the aqueous cream! Offered loperamide (immodium to you lot) and anti nausea drugs but I really don't want any more medication if I can help it. I know why I feel crappy and don't want to risk feeling worse or missing something by taking more drugs.

Oh have a look at my (myspace) pics if you have access, my cancer card is designed ready to print, if I ever get round to it, and be laminated. Perhaps produced in triplicate should I lose one.....or two.

A couple of women in the waiting room were discussing how crap cancer is and how it affects your entire life, like your job, relationship (or in my case doubt about ever having one again), having more kids (nope none of those for me, or the woman who is grateful for the one child but now needs hysterectomy following mastectomy since her cancer is hereditary and hormone related). It's the lack of choice over so many things all at once that makes this so bloody hard to deal with - I could say no to the treatment and surgery and be dead within a year or two, maybe less. No real choice there then. I couldn't have more kids anyway unless my eggs were grown somewhere else, but at least I had eggs (fried eggs now). I don't want to have my menopause yet, I don't want hot flushes, mood swings, forgetfulness, thinning hair and faster ageing skin. I don't want HRT. However it's happening and it's saving my life - so no real choice.

I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my working life, but I've a feeling it involves part time! I'm also vaguely considering nursing of some description which is a route I wanted to take 10 years ago but couldn't afford to with two small children, debts and an ex husband. I don't know how the rest of my mortgage will get paid when I go on to half pay - don't trust the tax credit people but that will be my first port of call WHEN it happens. I don't know what job I'll have to go back to or if they'll want me back. I don't know when I'll be fit to work again or how hard it will be to get another job now I've got cancer, everyone will be watching me for five years and how many employers will take that on. You can say what you like about equal rights but at the end of the day I'd never be able to prove I didn't get a job because I used to have cancer would I?

In summary there's a lot I don't know and it's pretty much down to cancer. I'm no stranger to hard times but it's a lot to take in, in a short space of time.

8:18 - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Diarrhoea, diarrhoea, people think it's funny........ Category: Life .........mind you half the population can't spell it properly. So the photos have been taken, did my best to offer up a genuine smile - wearing bargain top from Mexx (usual price £29, sale price £2) uh - huh we KNOW how to shop! Wishing I'd got my finger out of my um....arse.... and sorted out a trim with the hairdresser but I'm scared he'll accidentally cut through my chemo tube and drip cytotoxic chemicals everywhere - seriously I have dreams about this sort of thing, I have one clamp - which I assume would be best used on the end connected to my arm to avoid air bubbles. What do I do with the pump that's spewing stuff out? Do I call an ambulance? The fire brigade? Both? Thankfully only one more wretched pump to go and then I can actually WASH my arm. Speaking of air bubbles, when they change the "bung" over in my PICC line I have to hold my breath since if I breathe in at that point I could give my self a potentially leathal air bubble. WHAT? I've also got a few more teeny weeny ulcers that are creeping around my lips, from the inside corners of my mouth which is also down to the lovely 5FU - this stuff had better be working. Anyway after Mr Photographer had been and gone in a flash. PMSL. I threw together a pad thai, mistakenly thinking using the thin rice noodles I bought would make a nice change, they didn't - they're too watery but it still tasted OK. In defiance to Tyson I sprinkled crushed chillis over mine which helped no end to counter the wateriness but then wondered about the logic of this on my fifth visit to the toilet the next day. Trouble is I never know on worse diarrhoea days if it's food, bacteria, Tyson, hormone, chemo or radiotherapy related since it could be all or any of the above. I'm thinking (Faerie I know you O.Dd on chillis too recently) the chillis was probably pushing hope a little too far so back to more bland food then. Saturday I felt um okay, still tired, still curled up on mum's sofa at the earliest opportunity - then when the kids came back from their trip to the village shop we all pretended I was asleep so they stayed in the kitchen - I felt a bit mean but waved my imaginary "Cancer Card" in the air by way of justification. Covered in a blanket sipping weak lemon drink - the sort of thing all sickly people do in novels - is now a reality instead of a funny mental image. Sunday - well I felt practically "normal" by 3pm and thought that would be a great opportunity to cut the grass - I say grass instead of lawn for a reason. It's now resembling something akin to a lawn but I fear I've done myself irreparable damage. The whole point of having weekends off with radiotherapy is that your body had time to repair and replace any NON cancerous cells which have been anihilated by the radiation beams. Straining my back, arm, leg and stomach muscles, let alone my lungs to the point of collapse is not really helping - I had to stop for a breather halfway through, but would NOT be beaten by stupid grass, or Tyson. The sun was shining and it was a lovely day and I wanted lovely neat short grass. Up during the night at 5am (technically 4am stupid DST) with, oh guess what more diarrhoea, I mean I know my wee isn't as hurty as it was, but four hours sleep is just not enough Monday - woke up feeling rough as usual, took Karys to the bus stop and crawled back under duvet for another 90 minutes. Alarm went off, I couldn't move, the duvet was the softest, fluffiest, warmest, most comfortable thing EVER. 20 minutes later, realising my hair hadn't been washed for 3 days I sort of fell out of bed and into the shower. I was shaking all over before I got in, whilst I was in (washed hair v v quickly for a "one hand in a plastic balloon" person) and just managed to dry half the water off myself before pegging it next door to the loo AGAIN. Where does it all come from? I had very well cooked, properly defrosted, low fat pork in a sort of bolognaise sauce with white pasta and a salad yesterday - no chillis in sight. I felt so ill, I thought I was going to pass out on the loo and that would not be a pretty sight for my daughter when she got home from school, me half naked at the top of the stairs (no point shutting the door when you're alone and in a hurry). After the pains had gone away I felt a bit better. Decided I was up to one hour journey after all and didn't call mum's taxi! I've had 15 treatments now, 10 to go. I have a feeling it's going to get worse. All the radiographers commented on how weary or ill I looked today - think it's just tiredness and overdoing it on Sunday, oh and bleeding to death over the weekend - better that than bleed over the radiotherapy bed eh? Oh if you have radio on your face/head you get a thin mattress! I begged them to leave it on for me but they said "No sorry, you get the cold hard bed, no mattress for you". Charming, still I could fall asleep on it face down at the drop of a hat if they just left me alone. Having counted pretty much every radiation beam - I have approx 3 seconds (6mv) to the front, 20 seconds to each hip (10mv) and another 12 to 15 seconds, I always lose interest by this point as it's the third one (6mv). I wonder if I'll be in the local press tomorrow.............I do hope they get everything right.

2007 Mar 27th - Je Suis Un Geek...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Pathology Report Category: Life Click on the picture to take you to a legible version - if that doesn't work look at my pics, if that doesn't work, well I have an excel version I could email if you're THAT sad. In true analyst stylee I did some purdy line charts to show you what's happening with my claret. Red cells (Hb) are doing rather well if I do say so myself and NO guinness was harmed in the production of these blood results. Interesting to note that whilst white cells (WBC) are generally taking a downturn, neutraphils (accounting for approx 65% of white cells - infection fighters) are down marginally less in comparison. Platelets held their own for the first couple of weeks but have taken a sharp drop of close to 50% on base levels. Overall, results were as expected but still within confidence limits. In table format: Test Date Hb WBC Platelets Neutraphils 13th Feb 12.4 5.2 306 3.20 27th Feb 12.7 4.3 296 2.64 13th Mar 12.5 2.9 205 1.91 Ooo it's just like being back at work. 23:23 - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	Deborah	You have too much time on your hands lady!!! To be fair i have never asked about the counts - perhaps i should pay more of an educated interest in my health.... Posted by Deborah on Friday, March 30, 2007 at 17:24 [Remove] [Reply to this]

Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

Ah well, I have been an analyst/accountant for the last 3 plus years so numbers are my trade and I send these things to work - they have charts of my progress on the KPI board (I used to do the KPIs) so I'm obviously more of a geek than you! I shouldn't worry petal! Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Friday, March 30, 2007 at 19:12

2007 Mar 24th - Bleeding

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Bloody eck. Category: Life Oh FFS. My period started yesterday. Can someone tell my body to just STOP BLEEDING? Not a lot of sleep last night, aches, pains and nausea. Not to mention hourly trips to the loo. The photographer from the local press arrived (late since no one gave him my number or directions) and snapped away. Very weird, strange man appears with camera and massive lens to do a "close up" and assures me he can change the background since I've got bare plaster walls - Tyson preventing decorating. Not impressed at all by my "can you airbrush me?". 18:37 - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

GlitterGirl....

To Lisa's body - "STOP BLEEDING PLEASE...!" Did it work?! Sorry to hear you're feeling rubbish....I am making you a virtual hot water bottle as I type ;o) Take your anti-sickness meds, try to rest, and think how fabbalous you'll feel when all this shit is over! (literally and metaphorically....) Do you mind posting the article when it's published, you media starlet? (Subject to satisfactory airbrushing, of course...) TC lovey. xx Posted by GlitterGirl.... on Saturday, March 24, 2007 at 13:22

2007 Mar 21st - The Treament is Working

21 Mar 2007

Rayman rocks Category: Life Points of observation: Tyson appears to have given up on the whiney bleeding Having had 3 periods in 50 days I've not had one this week, or last week so erm I think the radiotherapy has killed my period. As at any given time I simply MUST have at least one bleeding orifice my bladder has taken on this honourable task and is throwing in some pain to go with it. I don't like hurty wee. I'm feeling a teensy weensy bit grumpy. I noticed that whilst putting together a bedside chest of drawers on Saturday that I was feeling bloody hot, despite wearing only a vest - reason temperature 37.4 C. If I get a temperature of 37.5 at any two readings I get a stay in hospital - I had a very cold pint of squash AND some cranberry juice and sat down til it came down to 36 C. I've lost 3lbs. If I lose "too much" weight my tattoo markers will need to be redone or I'll be getting too much zapping or it'll be in the wrong place. I'm secretly a little pleased that I lost weight without even trying even though I know this is generally not a good thing for someone with a) cancer b) on chemo and c) having radiotherapy. My PICC arm gets really sweaty over the course of a week because the white gauze has to be literally peeled off my arm. URGH. I'm pretty useless at doing anything other than going to hospital, sleeping, watching TV, staring at my PC or playing on my new DS Lite. I bought Rayman Raving Rabbids. It has mad raving phsyco bunnies in it - NO Karys that's not like Alfie (Alfie is our pet girl rabbit - please feel free to ask).

2007 Mar 17th - Chemo Round 1 No 4

17 Mar 2007

No anemia here....... Category: Life I had my fourth chemo pack wired up on Tuesday and managed to flash Bob who was sat opposite me hooked up to his drugs (he's on the usual bag on drip stand that take two hours every visit). To explain I usually shove the tubing down my top to minimise yoiking - that's a technical term for "opening doors with your chemo tube" and a practice I don't recommend. He didn't seem to mind. His mate John is chatty too (I say mate, I mean someone you see a lot on daily/weekly visits but never knew before you had cancer). Like me John had other plans for this year, his far more exciting as he goes to Australia every year and has had to put off his visit until Christmas - bloody chemo it doesn't half spoil your fun! John has cancer on his gall bladder that has spread to his liver and is inoperable - but like a lot of us still being positive Also fact fans, John said he liked my shoes (hmmm?) and after some comparisons, I actually have bigger feet than he does. I'm sooo ashamed. Feeling a bit nauseous the last few days and still very tired but managing the drive to hospital so far. No weird sunburn yet I'm pleased to report. I'm also doing my very best not to look like I'm going to hospital in that I have only once resorted to joggers and a t-shirt with trainers. I get regular compliments on my chemo bag, now take my magazines into Kerry one of the radiographers since she made me promise - she pays for Closer every week so I take her Heat. Also got asked where I got a pair of shoes from by a really young student so I can't be looking too bad. Treated myself to a Nintendo DS Lite and am "attending" Dr Lobe's Brain Academy and training a German Shepherd called Spike - we won our first frisby contest so I've nearly got enough to "buy" another dog............no really! I got a bit of extra cash from an insurance policy (interest I wasn't expecting) and thought sod it I'll buy something frivolous. Will probably get RSI now in the PICC arm which I managed to make bleed and spoil my lovely white dressings (smaller than the size of a penny so nothing major but it was a bit sore). Now got most things down to a fine art whilst being permanently attached to a small shoulder bag via tubes, but have caught it a couple of times, as I said, not recommended! I have a little statistical* info for you - initial data from Valentine's day and recent results from 6th March after two weeks of drugs (free on the NHS no less!) My red cells (Hb) are up!!!!! +2.4% to be precise - I rock! I've not even been on the red wine or guinness, must just be good diet. Also Tyson doesn't seem to be bleeding so much lately. White cells are down 17.3% to 4.3 but they're still fine. Platelets were 306, now 296 so not much change there. Neutraphils were 3.2 now 2.64, down 17.5% best keep an eye on those babies. (they make up 65% of your white cells) *source Lincoln Hospital Now got lovely diarrhoea plus cystitis but not feeling too bad (except tired) in myself. Had serious painful cramps the last two mornings that I keep thinking are my delayed (maybe never to happen) period but turn out to be trapped wind. Doh. More peppermint tea required. Actually went out on Thursday night to work late Christmas party (dept one) which, having missed the company one preferring a biopsy and camera up bum I thought I should make an effort to attend. Had an indian - really can't eat anywhere near as much as I used to and had to leave before the ice cream/coffee so I could get to bed before 11pm but it was great to get out. I had a few prickly eye moments pulling into the car park and felt a bit panicky meeting Angela in my office but it was fine. My old managers didn't say a word, but I didn't go out of my way to talk to them either, the dept head did say it was good to see me, but for some bizzarre reason instead of saying what I really thought, I just said "it's a free meal!". Fact is having done 70 mile round trip to hospital for radio, then a 70 mile round trip in the opposite direction is VERY tiring for me so I had a two hour kip in the afternoon to make sure I wasn't too tired. Lots of laughs - always good medicine, and of course I dragged conversation down to gutter level on occassion just to remind them what they were missing. Scared a couple of people by saying that if my chemo leaked onto my skin it would probably melt it...............and no they didn't want to take a look at where the tube goes in my arm, men are such girls sometimes! Considering toilet problems I felt remarkably lively today and had a work mate round to taxi me to hospital (like to drag the average age of the room back down towards 50) and brought me a fantastic orchid! Now have to research how NOT to kill it! She sends great sarcastic emails that put mine to shame and makes me laugh out loud too so again more medicine. It is good to be reminded that you are still the person you were before cancer, however she got me to watch Jeremy Kyle against my better judgement - god I hope I don't get hooked on that. How do such beauty and personality deprived girls get more than one bloke to shag them in the same week so they don't know who the dad is???? I mean I'm not Kylie Minogue but I was a fair way from the ugly stick I think and I NEVER get that much attention Flog it is on now and I like a good antique. My bones feel old enough to be sold at auction lately although my brain is a B+ on Brain Academy so it ain't all bad.

2007 Feb 28th - New Chemo Bag

28 Feb 2007

Oooo new pump bag! Category: Life Just a quickie cos I'm getting tired now - funny I'm tired but not sleepy today. I've posted some pics of my new bag (details to follow) and my PICC dressings - they look much worse than they are, there's no blood and gore under those white gauze bits, it's just padding to stop my skin getting chafed by the tubes and connectors. I did have a bloody scabby lump thing on the entry hole but that came off on Tuesday - salty stick in grazed knee thing again ouch - what a big girl's blouse.

2007 Jan 31st - Baby Boys Birthday Blues

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Could I feel any worse? Current mood: distressed Category: Life It's ten to sodding one in the morning technically 1st Feb. I've been a bit wired for the last few hours because despite spending a fortune and 3 hours in the hairdressers today (I like it) I've also passed an awful lot of blood - the last time about half an hour ago really scared me. Tyson has been a complete and utter GIT this last week or so bleeding more and more each day but this is the worst it's been so far. I've done relaxation, had a whisky, cried a bit, listened to music but sleep just isn't happening. As if that wasn't bad enough I just realised that my first and second babies, Alexander and Elliott would have been 15 on Sunday (they were stillborn when I was six months pregnant and identical). For the first time in 15 years I forgot their birthdays, I forgot to light a candle or go to the babies memorial garden at Wilford Hill, or the chapel where their names are in a memorial book at Pilgrim. Why? Because I'm too bloody occupied with this stupid fucking tumour. I HATE CANCER. I loved my babies and it made me forget. I called the hospital today and I should see the oncologist on 9th Feb providing they can arrange a clinic. I may start chemotherapy (likely for about 6 months) the following Monday 12th Feb - they're going to put a PICC line in my arm, just inside my elbow so they don't have to keep sticking new needles in me every couple of weeks (good job really - remember what happened at the CT scan). It's a catheter (tube) they stick in and it goes all the way up and halfway across your chest into a central vein. Goodo, they need flushing once a week so they don't get blocked - going to be a bit tricky to do myself one-handed, so any volunteers who'd like to learn how to do that for me? I may be taking warfarin too just in case of blood clots, oh and anti-sickness drugs and I'll be having some radiotherapy (so I can have random sunburn on my back just for fun). My immunity will be lower so risk of infection is increased, therefore if you have any germs of any description I don't want to be within a 10 mile radius ta! I'll be having enough of my cells killed off without having to fight off a stupid virus too! See diagram above for PICC line and this pic of some other lucky chap's PICC line complete with beautiful bruising. Just so you don't get too scared if I'm wearing short sleeves. To celebrate the news I had half my hair chopped off just in case it thins out - easier to lose it in stages if I have to but if not. well I like it anyway! No doubt if it does fall out the hair that I've had dyed pretty colours will fall out first, as is the law of Sod. Well I think I feel better for that, I should probably go and make a milky drink or go to the loo for the umpteenth time this evening - I think two periods in three weeks was plenty but now my arse seems to want to join in too, Life is indeed a witch with a capital B (trademark Edwina Curry re: Jade;Danielle;Jo V Shilpa Shetty). It's actual Loud Tie Week this week but as I'm feeling a bit crappy this week I just wasn't up to persuading the company to support Beating Bowel Cancer. Guess I may as well work my way round the rest of the office and my old dept because if I turn up with that thing in my arm one day soon I have a feeling it may raise some eyebrows and perhaps some questions. 8:54 - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	janey jane jane	Sending you lots of love. I always find that a double Jack helps me sleep, that or watching the shopping channel. I'm a bit needle phobic but will glady flush you out me duck. xxxx Posted by janey jane jane on Thursday, February 01, 2007 at 07:24 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Billy Bollockchops	Mememe! I'll do the picc line thing. I'm not squeamish so I think I'll be fine. All the websites I've found about it are crap though. They just say something like "Caring for your picc line - Flush it once a week". They don't actually say how. I hope you're feeling better today. I feel a bit guilty about Alexander and Elliott slipping your mind, I'm sure you would've remembered if I hadn't needed you to keep me entertained all weekend. I should be free to come over and do some more stuff to help out on Friday night/Saturday day if you need me. But I'll need a bit of time sometime soon to shine up my bike and take pics so I can get it listed on eBay. I'll probably resort to getting my car done on credit and paying it off after I sell the bike. Huffff! Speak soon xxxx Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Thursday, February 01, 2007 at 12:17 [Remove] [Reply to this]

Hayley

hey sweetie, i need to sort finances out here first but I'm booking a ticket to come over in Feb - get the gin out. Posted by Hayley on Friday, February 02, 2007 at 07:27