Saturday, 19 January 2008

2006 Dec 29th - CT Scan

Friday, December 29, 2006


Oh Doctor I do feel faint......!
Category: Life

Well the big(ish) day arrived - manged to get up 20 minutes before I had to stop eating - thickie, why didn't I set an alarm? Shoved two malted milk down with a mug of tea and felt full anyway. Ponced about on t'internet and drove to sister's for "Taxi to Tomogrophy". Bloody good plan as it turned out!

Usual walking round corridors for a few miles (follow the yellow brick road) and tried to check in at x-ray first doh! Signed the usual paperwork, checked the usual questions and start drinking the barium stuff....15.15

and some more at 15.30

and more at 15.45 - no honestly you won't have white poo afterwards

and finally another one at 16.00.

Amazing man had a scan before me on his head - his wife was telling us he'd crashed in his lorry and had skin taken from his legs leaving red raw patches (including little R on his right leg!!!) to patch up his mashe up arm - window glass had torn right into muscle in places OUCH! But that apart he'd had a MASSIVE flap of skin cut off his scalp and folded over to cover the chunk he'd lost out of his head. I'd thought he had cancer and losing his hair since he had a sort of surgical stocking looking beanie on his head! He'd collapsed that morning and had odd dizzy spells before, his wife was worried sick and worn out with worrying about him and the fact that they were lucky he was still alive. He seemed in great spirits, considering the physical scars he must still be in some serious pain - it only happened in November.

Tyson doesn't seem to like it as much as you'd think, getting a bit grumbly but then it's the first thing since the malted milk with any substance other than water.

Fab nursing staff on duty today - offered to take me to a cubicle to change me, I asked if she could change me into a supermodel, but all I got was a hospital gown and robe - knee length which looked absolutely stunning with my knee high leather boots I must say.

I noticed I had little round blue URGENT 2 week wait stickers on my notes (two week wait is for people with suspected cancer - given the 2 to three week wait for any results it's just as well).

Time for the line so they can put the contrast medium in later on. Dr asked if I've had chemo yet.........erm no I'm still waiting for the biopsy results to see what treatment I'll have. You'd think that would upset me but really, it didn't - very odd. I can't be in denial..and talking about it surely? It seemed like a perfectly normal question really, I know repeated lines can harden your veins so it makes it tricky - anyway it wasn't going in too well he was fiddling with it and I had a "blockage".... feeling a bit queer down below - hot and like I could really do with the loo but oh hang on no, I'm getting the sweats and feel really, really dizzy - head between the knees!

Because I'm a PP (private patient) I get a Dr to put my line in, instead of a nurse - now I don't care who cares for me so long as they know what they're doing, I tried to persuade the doc to go off and have a cup of tea as I'm sure the nurses are more than capable, but standard practice and all that.

Poor bloke, they said it must have been his stunning good looks that made me faint, poor sis thought I was doubled over crying and rushed over only to end up helping me to the bed looking like death (not even slightly warmed up!) By this time I've got two nurses - one taking my BP, the doctor checking my pulse and my poor little sister looking worried, and she was only there for company for a scan and be the driver - you're not allowed to drive for an hour after the contrast stuff.

Second line in my other arm wasn't a problem phew! Scanner is quite impressive - just a very thin bed on wheels (not long enough) that moves in and out of a massive doughnut. Breathe in - hold breath "snap" breathe out, couple more of those and then it's time for the hot stuff - I've had this a couple of times before when I've had kidney x-rays it basically goes into your blood stream and as it's going around it's really hot, so think about where you've got a lot of red skin - like inside your mouth........that's really hot and after a few seconds it feels like you've wet yourself. Never happens and I was a bit of an old hat so not bothered by it. More pics - just a whizzy camera flying around your body in the doughnut that you can just make out. Pretty noisy like sitting near a refridgerated artic. I had a brief whinge about the idiot Dr Kiss of Death at the surgery to the radiologist who removed the canula. She was suitably appalled. She was lovely too, was asking about the tumour and if I was in pain, how long I'd had symptoms etc. The more I think about it the further back I can remember having odd bleeds but putting it down to piles - bane of most pregnant women and mothers.

Line came out as easily as it went in, but am warned not to leave the hospital until I've had a cup of tea and a sandwich at least and to go to A&E if I feel at all unwell.

I bought a piece of cake too but only managed the sarnie - tut! Poor stomach doesn't know what to do, stuffed to bursting on Christmas day and randomly starved on others.

I've been "entertaining" Mike for a couple of days, basically involving eating and drinking beer, but we did throw together some fab curry dishes for about £3 instead of wasting a small fortune on a take away.

Been shopping today and for a lazy lunch Oldrids cafe! Determined to sort the laundry and a bit of decorating prep before the new year.........but if not I'm gonna pay someone else to do it haha!

18:47 - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Billy Bollockchops

Entertaining me? I think you'll find it was the other way around, luv!

Don't you dare do that ceiling!! You'll really piss Tyson off if you do that. If I come over early tomorrow I could finish stripping the paper and probably have time to get the walls filled too if you don't hover around talking *at* me all day.

Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Saturday, December 30, 2006 at 12:25
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Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

Pah you couldn't do a strip tease, you'd forget your nipple tassels like you forgot your scraper! TUT! anyway I have a volunteer - she's late.........cos we were yabbing on the phone instead of getting up. Zut Alors!

Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Saturday, December 30, 2006 at 12:34
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Billy Bollockchops

Stripping the PAPER!!

Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Saturday, December 30, 2006 at 13:05
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Hayley
If you didnt laugh, you'd cry. Anytime Tyson fancies some french cuisine all you have to do is book a ticket - I'll collect you from airport, supply bed and board and all the red wine you can drink (just the cheap stuff though!)

Posted by Hayley on Tuesday, January 02, 2007 at 08:40

2006 Dec 27th - Happy Christmas

Wednesday, December 27, 2006


Happy Christmas
Current mood: tired
Category: Life

Well tomorrow is computerised (axial) tomogrophy day for me! I get to lie down for a while at least, hope my belly doesn't rumble too loudly though apparently the scanner is pretty damn noisy anyway.

Christmas was alright as it goes, despite worrying about possibly feeling all maudlin I feel surprisingly chipper! Maybe it's because I've had my crying time and Tyson (as I've just christened it - meaning explosive or hight spirited according to a couple of websites and having fighting connections seemed apt) has been behaving himself lately, well sort of, in that I'm not living in the loo, but have been in a lot of discomfort.......couldn't sleep a couple of nights this week didn't seem to matter what position I lay in. Also managed to end up getting drunk on Christmas day and blubbing very briefly because I don't want my mum to end up looking after me. She's just retired and it's not fair, she looked after Jack for long enough and although she never complained, it took it out of her. It's her time now and I WON'T be a burden, mind you I'll still pop round for tea and lunch on a Saturday , she likes feeding people, honest! But then I don't want my little umpalumpa (you know who you are B) doing it either, though if the housework gets on top of me Who'm I Gonna Call?

Have managed to recruit two more volunteers to accompany me on hospital trips! I wasn't even trying, maybe I'm not such a whiny witch after all or maybe people see through my armour plating, damn, "note to self" must try harder to appear grumpy!

Starting four month secondment when I go back to work on 2nd Jan, a week before I get my diagnosis - well I bloody hope that's what I'll get I can't wait any longer, it'll have been four weeks and that's four too many. I won't find anything out tomorrow, just the scan, the results have to be studied and written up by a professional chappy and usually results take two weeks anyway but I'm guessing mine might be a bit quicker considering what they're looking for. "Hotspots" I believe they're referred to, and what is a hotspot not? That's right audience, NOT a goodspot.

Of course, this is all academic, the back pain that started two weeks before all this at the beginning of October may NOT be because of the pressure of Tyson leaning his fat ass against my spine, I might be feeling shit because I'm sitting around doing naff all, plus it's winter. Maybe I imagined the tiredness, or really it's gone now. Perhaps it's all psychosomatic? Obviously Tyson is real, I've seen his ugliness on the big screen, the blood and yak are real and my bloated belly ( no I'm not five months preggers actually) are defo real! Time is weird, half the time I think I'm imagining symptoms and then a doctor or hospital appointment just confirms something more and I think, no this is really happening.

Saying a little prayer that Tyson is an only child and hasn't got bits of him floating around looking for anywhere else to set up home. Cancer is a bastard isn't it? You should go to Macmillan website and read some of the blogs on We Talk About Cancer discussion forums. Young people getting "old people's" cancers, I defy you to read the stories and not cry, Neil is the best though he was 26 when he was diagnosed with bowel cancer and had his insides chopped about, beating the odds of getting it in the first place he's nearly there beating the disease. Apparently it's rare to get colorectal cancer under the age of 40. It takes 3 to 7 years for a polyp/tumour to grow to one centimetre. I'm guessing I've been growing this little "shit" for anything up to twenty maybe since I had the kids?

2007 is going to be different I feel. Hope yours is good different.

7:04 - 7 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

janey jane jane

I know i'm not LOCAL, but I can whip round with a hoover like a maniac! Anytime. xx

Posted by janey jane jane on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 at 09:03
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Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

Cheers Jane! I'm considering this training for Karys, not sure how she'll feel about it - I'll just tell her she needs more practice at housework so she can make a really good wife one day PMSL. Cos we all know men stay with you if you know how to clean don't they? Maybe I'll start her on cleaning the toilets............

Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 at 12:07
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Billy Bollockchops

It's really good to hear you're not feeling too bad at the mo. I did notice the lack of poo-stories recently but I just assumed that the novelty must've finally worn off.

Thanks for helping to keep my problems in perspective this year... And for laughing at the tales of the other women in my life and at some of my jokes. Thanks for the advice on women, and for not laughing when it all went wrong!!!

I'm not sure how often I'll be able to make it over to yours if you need a hand. You can guarantee I'll be there for your weekly bed-bath though.

Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 at 11:55
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Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

Problems? Oh sorry did you have a problem? Isn't it all about ME?

Tell you what if it's necessary I'll let you change my colostomy bag that'll be much quicker than a bed bath and very very important. I never noticed how big your nose was until I saw that picture.

Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 at 12:15
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Billy Bollockchops

Sorryyyyyyyyyyy!!!

Yeah, I'll change it....for a hoover bag. That'll teach you to make fun of my nose! *sulks*

Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 at 12:39
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Umpalumpa

I never did like that pigging horrible boxer, lets knock him out good and proper

Posted by Umpalumpa on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 at 18:38
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Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

So long as you keep your fists to yourself and are speaking metaphorically oof!

Maybe Chris Eubank would have been more appropriate, he's sthtewpid

Sunday, 23 December 2007

2006 December 18th

Friends are everything.
Current mood: chipper

Well it's amazing what a few mates can do for you mood and general wellbeing isn't it? Had 3 friends round last night for curry, beer and a giggle, plus tormenting teenage girls by hounding them with questions about ESS EEE EX. How to clear a room!

I forgot I was even ill for the night, until 11.30 when I went to the loo, but hey this is better than the trots!

Actually discussed it as Cancer today with mum like we were talking about having the hedge cut or something, slightly surreal, but also a relief to say it out loud, I've decided that's what it is and until they tell me otherwise I'm preparing to deal with that next year.



Well, it was fab! I can't wait to do it again. Trust Crimbo to get in the way.

As for the phrase "the C-word", I think it's much more useful as a way of describing some of your ex's rather than using it to pussyfoot around the name of a disease.

Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Sunday, December 17, 2006 at 22:26


Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

Oi div you can't spell exes. Tut.

Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Monday, December 18, 2006 at 19:31


18 Dec 2006

Back to Work.
Current mood: calm

Realised this morning that having skived off to attend hospital as a day case on Thursday and attending the Emap Christmas lunch in London on Friday none of my workmates know what I know now! I was doing OK til Race For Life (I ran earlier this year and ruined my big toenails in memory of Junie who died almost a year ago) , then the company electronic email (money not spent on paper going to Cancer charities in memory of those we have lost at work). Fighting back the tears when Katie asked how I was and how I got on last week. time for a trip to the kitchen for tea! Ended up sobbing on her shoulder as Race for Life hope to see me there next year, SO DO I!

Kate (another one) asked if I was still poorly (she's been in Australia for two months), yes Kate I'm still poorly.

But it's not all doom and gloom I have decided to have a mohican again if I ever lose my hair (v unlikely) or henna tattoos on my pate!! Wicked! I'm tempted to have Up Your Bum Cancer! tattood on my head anyway but I might regret it.........

Just a quick thank you so far to Angela,Hannah, Hayley, Lesley and Pob for laughing at my death jokes, bloody poo stories and generally enquiring as to the well being of my arse! Angela is determined I will NOT GET ILL as she's about to become my line manager again despite having three years off! But the nurse said to take it easy and work isn't that important Angela.........so ........? OK OK I'll do the KPIs. Tut.

My stomach is bloated as soon as I eat the smallest thing, I look four months pregnant. So far I've not actually broken wind in the office but managed to get to the loo, but that's more fear of following through with runny stuff and blood than anything else. Had rotten back ache all day again, it improved after I "went" on Saturday and I only did three poo trips today! Is that normal? I'm sure I used to go every, or every other day just the once! Those days seem well behind me now - pmsl! "behind".

Oh and special award for good mate in time of crisis goes to ........Pob for making the bestest lemon drizzle cake EVER and not complaining once despite enduring me showing him images of polyps, cancerous tumours and general nasties in other peoples insides. Also for the stash of booze he left behind and pointing out if I have even slightly invasive T1 or higher I can claim off my critical illness and endowment policies yeay. Shame I didn't increase my cover when I changed my mortgage! I'm such a thickie.


Billy Bollockchops

I didn't just leave the booze behind, it was a present!

The polyps was interesting though, I'm not squeamish. You know me, I'd have been there with you if you'd have let me.

And don't try and pretend you're not secretly excited about having a mohican and having most of your mortgage paid off! tut tut etc.

Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Monday, December 18, 2006 at 21:15