Monday, April 23, 2007
| Appointment with the surgeon......... Ooooer. Just had a phone call from the Bostonian wing (private, thank you, thank you work benefits) of the hospital. My surgeon wants to see me, tomorrow!!! Can I make it? Too damn right I can, I was just thinking last night that I might ring today and see what's what. Feeling a bit nervous now, don't know why it's just a consultation, he can't have anything bad to tell me as there are no new test results to be had, I've had them all. I suppose I'm a bit concerned in case he says "you'll definitely need a permanent colostomy, there's no way I can put your insides back together again". Again, until he's opened me up, had a squeeze of my liver and other organs to check for tumours that haven't shown up on scans, he won't know. But still. Glad it's short notice, I hate waiting. It feels like all I did for months was wait......for someone to listen and believe I had a serious problem.........for tests....for test results.........for diagnosis.........more tests.........more results..........start of treatment...............and now surgery. I've had 12 days of doing exactly as I please and it's been great but it's a bit of a limbo - something to be made the most of, my last few weeks as a complete human body with all my organs "working" pretty well. I had the busiest Saturday of my life I think, I met the beautiful Sheena who I used to share an office with and is about to start her new role on one of our magazines actually writing! She's unbelievably lovely and has a great sense of humour which seems to fit with mine. A slip of girl, she's tiny! But full of sunshine. We met for "breakfast" at 10 am in a little bookshop cafe and nattered, ashamed to say I bored her with my symptoms for too long, for two and a half hours. Fabulous! We drank herbal tea and she had a lavender scone, I had a gluten free pancake stuffed with spinach and veg. Then I went to mum's and we had lunch in the Ivy Wall - I had veg soup but had to give the lovely soft nutty, seedy brown bread to mum (sob) but as a treat ate the croutons - big mistake, had bloaty tummy and felt a bit off after that. More solar lights for the garden and MORE grains and non-wheat flours from the health food shop (god brown rice is SO heavy) where I had another pain attack and hobbled round the shop wishing for a chair, or toilet. Eventually found relief in a grubby public loo - thankfully I always have tissues in my bag these days, proper mum thing to do, as there was no paper. Urgh. Bought even MORE plants for the garden which as I write are being watered in very nicely by the rain. And so on to the evening meal (where I didn't actually eat anything) - a barbie at a friend's house. It was great, I couldn't be bothered to put on any make-up and went dressed as I'd been all day. Saw the crowd I used to see quite regularly when I had a social life and went out..........all those many months ago. I've not really seen them much in the last two years really. It was a bit odd as I wasn't sure who knew about Tyson and who didn't. When people you've not seen for ages say "how are you?" what do you say, I stuck with, "yeah not bad thanks, you?". A bloke I had a bit of a fling with way back was there too, looking younger and fitter than ever (curses) which was nice, to see him, but made me a bit sad. I just can't see me anything other than single now. I was bloody independent before, but now, I'll be so much worse. He did say I was looking good (all considered) and seemed to be handling things really well - that I have his number if I need anything. Obviously I'd never ask, I can't ask people I've known for years - if someone says "I'm going to do X for you" and is specific they're in with a chance, but it's just too hard for me to ask. I know after the op I'll have to give in for a while at least. For now though, I'm on top of the garden ish, The house isn't spotless but it's relatively tidy, lived in I'd say. The ironing can go swivel, it'll be nice to discover a new wardrobe when I ever get around to it - maybe this afternoon since it's started to rain. I like cooking my new meat,dairy, fat, sugar, fruit, alcohol, caffeine and wheat free diet - it's interesting and takes me back to the five years I had off with the kids when I'd just cook everything from scratch and work my way through recipe books. My "aunty" Susan called last night which was lovely. She has a way of saying things that if anyone else said them I'd be upset like "there are a lot worse things that could have happened" but she's known me since I was born. She also said I'm being saved for someone very special (lets face it he's gonna have to be pretty bloody remarkable to put up with me without cancer and missing bodily parts and functions). The best thing she said was that I'm still Lisa, I'm still loved and the cancer, treatments and operations can't take any of that away.
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