Tuesday, January 09, 2007
| Rectal Cancer - is this really happening? Didn't go to work today, woke up with a splitting headache after NOT A LOT of sleep. Fetl rubbish - looked at my hair, looked at the shower and got straight back to bed after setting an alarm to remind me to text my boss (and v good mate) and call in sick. Woke briefly to text, straight off to sleep again until 10.30 - permanently tired these days so not surprising really plus two nights with little sleep. Anyway the MacMillan booklets I asked for arrived this morning - made me cry! But they're good, well written in decent chunks covering most things. Mum arrived at 1.15, had a quick chat and half a cup of tea, and pretty much straight to the office, were only sat down for a minute before it was my appt to see Mr A. He asked a nurse to come in too, so I knew it wasn't good news - there was no need for a chaperone since my mum was there and I wasn't having any examinations. He asked how I was - well not as bad as I've been, but you know........ He had the results from the biopsy - and there is cancer there. It's quite advanced and deep - for reference it's stage 3, Dukes C or T3, N1, M0 Basically it's got a good old hold on my rectum and has spread to up to 3 lymph nodes, but thankfully no other organs, yet. Next steps are - I'll now be seeing Dr S the oncologist, an MRI scan has been ordered and I'll be having radio/chemotherapy in some combination or one or the other prior to surgery. My entire rectum (that's the last 6 inches or so before your exit - I like to refer to it as having a dodgy exhaust) will be removed and then they'll join my colon up again - might need a colostomy or ileostomy while the join is healing - or it might be a really good join and I won't, OR I might need one permanently. We saw three photos of Tyson - looks less offensive that size, much uglier when viewed on the big screen. It's a medium sized tumour - didn't get exact measurments but it's an odd shape and is more deep than anything. Went for a coffee with mum and then came back to talk to the nurse, as invited. The stoma care nurse came down to see us and told me some more about what's involved there - got the therapy to get through first though! Usual advice, take it easy, don't do too much and eat well. Had to go and tell my little sis in person, it's not really email, phone or text news is it! Obviously odd tears, but we're all geared up to fight this already so it's just confirmation that it's time to put the gloves on........I feel ridiculously calm about it all now, almost relieved that I've not been imagining feeling crap, feeling exhausted doing the simplest tasks, being worn out by Wednesday at work. I guess I have the next two or three weeks and then it's "Kill Tyson" time. Wish I'd called him Bill now......I always fancied being Uma Thurman - she's tall and has stupidly big feet too! I feel so bad for my mum, because I can't imagine watching my daughter (who incidentally gave me a hug, had a quick tear then went back to MSN giggling with her mates - denial?) go through any of this, I mean I know I can cope with it overall and I told her today sometimes I think it's easier for me than everyone around me because I can cry, laugh, sulk or joke about it whenever I want because Tyson is mine - everyone else probably feels like they have to be careful around me, which obviously I don't want. I know how upset we all were at work when June was finally diagnosed - bless you June wherever you are. I cried more tears for her than for myself, but then I've had a long time to get used to things. Anyway, I'm doing OK, I'm not giving in to ANYTHING so please don't any of you give up either. XXX
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