Friday, February 16, 2007
Just when I thought I was on top of things, two dodgy phone calls at work and I came down faster than a whore's drawers - to earth. With a big hard bump. Couldn't hack it, couldn't handle the relatively petty questions that were getting people so stressed - I mean who cares if you think the order for Oxford airport doesn't look right, so they'll get a few more magazines, it's only bloody magazines innit! To be fair I was almost on top of the tears until Paul asked how I was feeling - glad the loos are just across the hall. Of course you can't sob your heart out in a work toilet in a building that size without someone coming in and hearing you. Luckily it was Heather (friendly PA who "knows") and she made me promise to go home - and stop beating myself up about not handling things. I didn't want to tell Angela, but given the state of my blotchy face I didn't really have to say too much - I thought I was letting her down but she said I've done really well to last this long - I only started working for her again on Jan 2nd!
I don't think I can go back. I don't think I can go back to say goodbye or to be cheered up, I don't think I can even go back for the money. I cried all the way to mum's house and have spent the rest of the day with the sorest eyes ever and that empty tired feeling you get when you think you can't cry any more.
I bet after a couple of G&Ts and a few hours kip (hot gel bottle to expand catheterised vein and stop aching) and a new sunrise I'll be back to coping again but maybe it's finally time to stop trying so hard, it doesn't mean I'm giving in does it?
| Hayley || |
| Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala || |
| Umpalumpa || |