Monday, April 30, 2007
General consensus of opinion was that I looked "normal" on Saturday - I'm not sure what that meant, perhaps I should have asked? I know it was a positive thing and meant I don't look ill or knackered or in pain. I made a special effort and put make up on and did my hair (having cut my own fringe and changed my style a bit - delaying hairdresser visit as I will soon be v v v poor!). I have to admit I was quite pleased with my reflection, it's so weird being "critically" ill and looking the picture of health (except for horrendous spots that I can't help clawing at on my chin and neck and the dry skin on my scalp and ears).
I was thinking today about what my life was like before cancer (specifically before I stopped going to work). From memory it was like this:
7am (ish) crawl out of bed, toilet, shower, tea if time, food if possible.
7.45 screech at child(ren) to hurry up as we should have left 5 minutes ago....
8.15 drop child(ren) off at school, continue to work
9 (ish) arrive at work, grabbing a coffee from the machine on the way upstairs
10 - more tea or coffee
1pm - wander into the city for a bit and try not to spend money.
2pm (ish) hope no-one noticed if I've been a bit longer than an hour, feel guilty and log the extra 15 mins on flexisheet.
4pm - 7pm (varies from day to day) slump off to car and drive home
5pm - 8pm arrive home, throw food together and watch T.V/read/knit/visit friends or family.
11pm crawl into bed, wondering why I don't go to bed earlier. (This changed to 9pm as cancer symptoms worsened.)
9.30 - 11.30 am wake up, check time, moan or smile depending on how late it is, leisurely breakfast of porridge/muesli/oatcakes and herb tea and a zillion supplements.
11am - 5.30pm - anything from gardening, reading, baking, cooking, cleaning, eating, shopping, hang washing out, pootle on internet checking emails/websites.
5.30 - 8pm - Karys home so food is prepared at some point, and more gardening until it gets a bit nippy or my back and hips give in and I walk like old person who has faecal incontinence (don't laugh, that could me me if I get the stoma reversed!)
8pm - any time up to 1am - knit, read, watch TV, bake, more internet, load washing machine and dishwasher, go to bed!
So basically I do a lot more now than when I was working, I eat more and I'm at home more. Result - happier me! Despite cancer, or rather because of it? I feel better than I have in over 6 months, possibly a year or two, physically. Some days I still have a nap or a lie down in the afternoon, especially if I've been wandering round shops - the walking tires me unlike sitting on a toolbox casually weeding the drive or lawn.
I am not looking forward to going back to work at all. Mostly because I won't be spending much time at home or in the garden. Thankfully it should be winter by the time that happens and if there's any way possible I'm going back part time. I've enjoyed living for the last few weeks and I'm not really prepared to compromise. Spending some of my day in adult company to pay the rest of the mortgage and bills will be fine, but thats it!
| Billy Bollockchops || |
| GlitterGirl.... || |